tennants-companion:

so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack

collectyourhearts:

the difference between pizza and your opinion is that i asked for pizza

spookymormon:

spookymormon:

my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great

squidwurd:

squidwurd:

i burn calories by insulting them

“hey calories your mom is ugly hahaha BURN!”